After 2 hours and 45 minutes at the North Carolina DMV, I walked away… lighter.

Lighter from the extreme amount of sweating I did while standing outside the DMV in 94 degree heat… in my business suit… for one hour and 55 minutes.

Lighter from the calories I must have burned while frantically fanning myself with a copy of the North Carolina Driver’s License Manual that a coworker so nicely gave to me.

Lighter from the evil glares that shot from my body toward the DMV worker who told me (after waiting 2 hours and 15 minutes) that I was “wasting my time cuz there was no way they’d get to me before the 4:30 close time.”

Lighter from the happy dance I did when, a mere 5 minutes before close, that same worker said they’d take ONE more tester, and low and behold, that one more was ME! EEE!

Lighter from the woosh of air that escaped me when the same DMV worker told me, a mere 15 seconds later, that I absolutely had to have a social security card, and no a passport would not do, and sorry ma’am but the manual absolutely does not say that an Ohio driver’s license will suffice even if it has your social security number on it.  And yes while laminating your social security card seemed like a good idea when you were 16, nowadays that makes the card void…

Lighter from the tears that gushed down my face as I bolted to the car frantically flipping through the manual to the page that listed the required identification documents.

Lighter as I stormed frantic yet triumphant back into the DMV with a moment to spare, past a long line of eyes wondering who this crazy suit-clad crying lady was, as I frantically pointed at the guide SHOWING her I was not crazy and that the guide DID say my social security number laden license would do.

Lighter from the defeat that washed over me simultaneously sucking out every ounce of gumption I’d mustered as she flipped to the inside cover and showed me the guide I had been giving was sadly three years out of date and no longer valid.

Lighter from the mental break down I had in my car in the DMV parking lot.

Lighter from deciding in a rash moment to close myself off from the world by symbolically turning off my cell phone (which lasted a whole 27 minutes).


I need some ice cream.


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  1. Holy moly what a craptastic experience! The DMV has a way of sucking all life out of you and everything in its midst. I hope you’ve got loads of ice cream (and vino) to make up for that day!

  2. Besides CPA, “Foodie”, add comedy writer to your resume! Does anyone, no matter what state, ever have a good experience at the DMV??

  3. You are such a wonderful writer, Mare. I’m so sorry you had to go through this on top of everything else. Fingers crossed that it will go better next time. Your mama loves you, dear.